That week.
Let me first preface by mentioning that I had my 39 week appointment that Monday (Nov. 7th). My doctor had previously mentioned that he would probably wait a few days/one week after my due date to induce me if needed. When I went to my 39 week appointment I had only dilated .5 centimeter, and was quickly swelling up like a balloon. I mentioned I'd been having some pains for about five days, but nothing too bad. I told him I didn't know if they were contractions or not. He went to measure my belly and promptly said, "Oh yeah, they're contractions. You're having a big one right now." haha He let me know that the baby's head hadn't dropped at all yet, and so the contractions weren't helping me dilate as they should. He said he was beginning to be a little less optimistic that I'd be able to have a regular delivery. He decided he wanted to see me that Thursday and if things hadn't progressed that he would talk about inducing me that upcoming weekend. So we went back on Thursday and, you guessed it, 0 progress. Baby hadn't dropped, and I hadn't dilated any further despite the strong contractions. Not only that, but at this point my uterus was measuring at 41, my blood pressure was rising, and I was even more swollen than before. He asked, "Do you two have any plans for this weekend? How about you have a baby."
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| My last baby bump pic, 3 days before he was born. |
The day before.
My doctor decided to do a Cytotec induction which is where you are admitted to the hospital at night and they put a capsule right up against the cervix that helps it dilate and efface overnight. I spent the day getting every last-minute thing ready before going in. I even spent hours raking leaves in the yard because I was so anxious. We ate tomato soup and grilled cheese, and Austin gave me a really sweet blessing. So we went into the hospital at 8PM on Saturday the 12th to be induced. As soon as I got there I put on my hospital gown and the doctor came to check if I had dilated any more. Nope, but that was no surprise. He did say that the baby's head had dropped to a -2 station at that point, however. So the doctor put the capsule in immediately, the nurses started my IV, and they put the fetal heart rate and contraction monitors on my belly. I was all settled in to let my body go into labor and do its thing. We asked the nurse tons of questions and watched an Impractical Jokers marathon that was on TV. I kept laughing so hard that the nurses came in to check that they weren't contractions. haha Around 11PM they gave me an Ambien so that I would get a good night's sleep in order to have energy for labor and delivery the next day.
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| Swollen, hooked up, and ready to go. |
The day of.
The nurses came in around 1AM to take my vitals and mention that they'd seen I'd been kicking out contractions like crazy. I had noticed that they'd sped up and gotten stronger, but I was pretty sleepy from the medicine they gave me. The nurse said she rarely ever sees the Cytotec kick out contractions that strong so quickly, but they had warned me that it was a possibility. I then went back to sleep. At about close to 3AM my doctor came back in to check me and add more Cytotec if necessary. I was now dilated to 1 cm and was 85% effaced. The doctor was very optimistic that things were going well, and since I was having such strong contractions so close together, he decided to break my water. Lemme tell ya, that was no picnic. They basically take a really long crochet hook and open the flood gates, pardon the detail. It was a crazy feeling. The doctor then said that labor would probably start to progress pretty quickly after that, so I could get an epidural at any time. I got up to go to the bathroom and very soon after felt like all those women you see in labor on TV and in movies where they have to grab onto something and breathe strangely. At this point I was in labor for real. I knew I could have waited a little longer to get my epidural, but I had a feeling I should just get it then since things were moving so quickly. At around 4AM they called for the anesthesiologist and he came in to do the epidural. I had to sit with my legs dangling off the side of the bed, with Austin holding onto them, while grabbing a pillow. The epidural itself wasn't too terrible, they gave a small shot to numb the area and then from there I just felt pressure moving gradually down my spine hitting nerves as it went. The worst part was that I was having terrible contractions at the same time, so there was a lot going on. It felt like it lasted forever even though it was only 10-15 minutes. Finally it was over and I laid back down to sleep a little longer. I was feeling pretty great at this point! I know some people are highly against medicated birth, but if you're not, I HIGHLY recommend it. 👍Now at this point, I was pretty out of it. I was half numb and had a strong sleeping aid in my system. So sometime between 5:30 and 6AM my nurse came in to check my progress. At this point I was 3 cm! That was so good to hear, I was so happy that everything was going as I'd hoped. Next thing I know, I hear the nurse say that she can't find the baby's head. I was like, "What do you mean you can't FIND HIS HEAD?" She had four other nurses all come in and check...at this point I didn't care because I was numb and, let's face it, labor really takes away most of your inhibitions for what you do and don't care about. All the nurses said the same thing: they couldn't feel his head at all. You know when you can tell someone has bad news but they're trying to go as long as possible without telling you to protect you? That's basically how it felt. They decided to bring in a portable ultrasound to check what was going on. Sure enough, little baby had flipped and was now breech. Sometime in that 60-90 minute stretch he decided he would really like to not have to come out. I remember I kept asking the nurse if they could just flip him back....ha! She very kindly told me that she was going to call my doctor to let him know, but that at this point I would likely have to have a c-section. I was crushed. I know I shouldn't have been, but I was so disappointed that I started crying. Everything in my pregnancy had gone so smoothly the whole time and I felt like I deserved to have a smooth delivery as well. Let's be real, it's not ideal to have to have your baby surgically removed while you lay unconscious in a cold operating room, and then not even get to meet your baby. I don't wish that on anyone. Sure enough, she came back saying they were going to prep me for a c-section. I signed some paperwork, they drew some blood samples, they put in a catheter, kicked up my epidural so I was completely numb from the waist down, and probably other things I don't remember. I just remember all of a sudden there were about six people surrounding me all doing something different. My doctor arrived and I politely asked him if they could just flip the baby back...I was in serious denial that I wasn't going to get the labor I had always imagined. He said at this point time was of the essence as there was no more amniotic fluid in there for the baby, and now he was in a bad position. That made me think of what I already should have been: the safety of baby was priority #1 and I needed to be okay with this for him. I was very shortly almost unconscious. I remember them giving Austin the surgical clothes/mask so he could be in there. I remember them wheeling me to a very bright room, moving me to an operating table, putting up a curtain, and I remember they had to pin my arms down because I was shaking so badly. I wish I could say that I remember the delivery, but I slept through the whole thing despite trying to stay awake. I felt guilty that I wasn't mentally present, but between the numbness and the sleeping pill, I was completely out of it.
From then on I remember hearing only a few things every once in a while. The first thing I remember is hearing the doctor saying, "Get him to the NICU NOW" followed by Austin asking, "Is he okay?" and I didn't hear the answer. I was then out again, and the next thing I heard was "9 pounds exactly!" followed by Austin asking again if he was okay. I vaguely remember them pulling the curtain down and wondering where my baby was and why I didn't get to see him. They moved me to another bed and wheeled me to a recovery room. A nurse came in bringing me juice and applesauce. I tried to eat/drink but threw everything up for the next hour. Austin came in to show me pictures of our baby. I was in denial that he was ours, I felt like I was dreaming. Austin then proceeded to tell me that he had the cord wrapped around his neck, and that since they pulled him out feet/butt first that it pulled. He said he was bright blue, couldn't breathe, and I later found out that his first Apgar score was a whopping 1. The nurse told me days later that, "The only thing he had going for him was a pulse" and that they had to "resuscitate" him immediately...not words you want to hear about your newborn. So there we were in the recovery room, I was slowly coming to and Austin was in there with me. Next thing I know, the on call doctor came in to talk to us. He began listing off all of the issues the baby had. Low blood sugar: he asked me if I was diabetic, almost didn't believe me when I told him no. Respiratory issues/fluid in the lungs and stomach: apparently in addition to being blue, he had pooped from fetal trauma and had swallowed some, plus had fluid in his lungs that normally gets pushed out during a vaginal delivery. Possible hole in his heart/enlarged heart: say what? Apparently when they were doing X-rays on his lungs they found an abnormality on/near his heart. The doctor said it as possibly just an enlarged gland, extra fluid, etc. He very nonchalantly began to tell us how, when he's a few weeks old, open heart surgery could fix it and then everything would be fine. Meanwhile, here I am, barely conscious, still throwing up, still shaking, still haven't even met my own baby, being told he might need open heart surgery. Sorry, but I did not sign up for this. Also meanwhile, there's poor Austin, who not only had to see his wife be unconscious and cut open but also, as I've heard him later tell it, have to see them "put my uterus BACK in with something that looked like a shovel", and see his breathless blue baby be rushed into resuscitation. Needless to say, we both had a bit of a meltdown when that doctor left. Austin went back to be with the baby in the NICU and I had to stay for a little while to get up enough strength to be transferred to a wheelchair. I think it was about 7 hours before the nurses were able to help me stand for long enough to transfer me to a wheelchair. I remember them wheeling me to the NICU, and every bump in the floor was agony. We finally got there and, there he was. My little baby. I put my hand on his and he loosely wrapped his fingers around mine. He looked HUGE and I just remember wondering how he had possibly fit in my belly. He was hooked up to oxygen, an IV, a feeding tube, was receiving antibiotics for a possible lung infection, and glucose for low blood sugar. I had just met him and my heart was already breaking for him. I got a major crash course in learning how much parents feel for their children.
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| Our sweet, swollen, previously blue baby boy. |
The rest of that day was filled with a lot of exhaustion, pain medicine, and worry. At this point we had no idea how long Luke would have to stay in the NICU. I was able to go back to the NICU that evening and hold him for the first time. That was the moment I bonded with him, and I knew he'd always been mine. I knew him and loved him more than anything.
The NICU days.
The next day I was still in bed for the most part, being heavily medicated. I'm so glad Austin and my mom were there to go be with Luke so often since I couldn't. My nurses and Luke's nurses were so great. They helped us so much and reaffirmed my belief that nurses are basically just angels. So much can be said about this crazy week but I'll summarize. In the next few days it felt like we'd take two steps forward and one step back. His echo-cardiograph came back showing he had no heart issues (my biggest relief), then eventually his blood sugar leveled out. They found out the next day that he was jaundice and had to have the bilirubin light. We got the results back that there was no infection in his lungs, then he had issues not keeping down his food. He projectile vomited almost everything. Then he went off oxygen and his IV, and then a "suck" specialist said he might have issues eating for a while as he couldn't suck properly and was getting way too much air and not keeping food down. But overall, he was progressing.
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| Sweet cheeks after he got all his tubes removed. |
I was able to do skin-to-skin contact and try to breastfeed for the first time. Those were frustrating days but he kept improving. Finally we were able to have him stay in our room with us overnight and take him home the next day (Thursday the 17th).
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| His first night with mom and dad. |
Since then.
If you've made it this far into the post, congrats it's a ling one! We brought our little Luke home and started all kinds if new adventures and games. Our most common games are:
- Is he smiling or just pooping?
- Is that breast milk, sweat, or pee?
- Is that poop or chocolate?
- Is he breathing?
- Why won't he stop crying?
- How come he pees himself no matter what?
- Is he supposed to make that noise?
- Is he supposed to only eat for 5 minutes?
- Is he supposed to throw it up?
- Does he hate being swaddled or do I suck at swaddling?
- Does he really need to be held every time he poops?
- Why won't he sleep without being held?
And the list goes on and on....
BUT, he's become a champ at nursing which was one of my biggest concerns from the start he had. It's taken lots of time and patience, but he's great. He's been super healthy and had no issues. Whenever we take him to our doctor he always just watches him and says he's one of the most entertaining babies he's had and mentions how awesome he looks. We've been so blessed beyond measure. And when he keeps me up all night every night sometimes I just have to pray for perspective and remind myself that this little babe will only be little for so long, and that makes all the exhaustion and frustration manageable. Austin has been my rock, we are so blessed to have him. And I'm blessed to have a mom I can text questions to all day every day. I've also been blessed to have an awesome recovery. The first few days I remember wondering how I would ever walk again, go to the bathroom again, or just feel normal at all. I've had awesome pain medicine and awesome support. Maybe I'll write another post eventually on the many joys of recovering from a c-section while being expected to take care of a newborn. haha But, life is good, no matter what, and we love our little baby cakes more than anything in the world, even if he has aged us years in three weeks. 😉
My new favorite picture ever:
My new favorite picture ever:
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