Luke's Story

Our sweet little Lukie Bear was born Sunday, November 13th at 6:24AM. He was a whopping 9 lbs and 20 1/2 inches. It has been nothing short of a roller coaster since he came into the world, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

That week.
Let me first preface by mentioning that I had my 39 week appointment that Monday (Nov. 7th). My doctor had previously mentioned that he would probably wait a few days/one week after my due date to induce me if needed. When I went to my 39 week appointment I had only dilated .5 centimeter, and was quickly swelling up like a balloon. I mentioned I'd been having some pains for about five days, but nothing too bad. I told him I didn't know if they were contractions or not. He went to measure my belly and promptly said, "Oh yeah, they're contractions. You're having a big one right now." haha He let me know that the baby's head hadn't dropped at all yet, and so the contractions weren't helping me dilate as they should. He said he was beginning to be a little less optimistic that I'd be able to have a regular delivery. He decided he wanted to see me that Thursday and if things hadn't progressed that he would talk about inducing me that upcoming weekend. So we went back on Thursday and, you guessed it, 0 progress. Baby hadn't dropped, and I hadn't dilated any further despite the strong contractions. Not only that, but at this point my uterus was measuring at 41, my blood pressure was rising, and I was even more swollen than before. He asked, "Do you two have any plans for this weekend? How about you have a baby."

My last baby bump pic, 3 days before he was born.

The day before.
My doctor decided to do a Cytotec induction which is where you are admitted to the hospital at night and they put a capsule right up against the cervix that helps it dilate and efface overnight. I spent the day getting every last-minute thing ready before going in. I even spent hours raking leaves in the yard because I was so anxious. We ate tomato soup and grilled cheese, and Austin gave me a really sweet blessing. So we went into the hospital at 8PM on Saturday the 12th to be induced. As soon as I got there I put on my hospital gown and the doctor came to check if I had dilated any more. Nope, but that was no surprise. He did say that the baby's head had dropped to a -2 station at that point, however. So the doctor put the capsule in immediately, the nurses started my IV, and they put the fetal heart rate and contraction monitors on my belly. I was all settled in to let my body go into labor and do its thing. We asked the nurse tons of questions and watched an Impractical Jokers marathon that was on TV. I kept laughing so hard that the nurses came in to check that they weren't contractions. haha Around 11PM they gave me an Ambien so that I would get a good night's sleep in order to have energy for labor and delivery the next day.

Swollen, hooked up, and ready to go.

The day of.
The nurses came in around 1AM to take my vitals and mention that they'd seen I'd been kicking out contractions like crazy. I had noticed that they'd sped up and gotten stronger, but I was pretty sleepy from the medicine they gave me. The nurse said she rarely ever sees the Cytotec kick out contractions that strong so quickly, but they had warned me that it was a possibility. I then went back to sleep. At about close to 3AM my doctor came back in to check me and add more Cytotec if necessary. I was now dilated to 1 cm and was 85% effaced. The doctor was very optimistic that things were going well, and since I was having such strong contractions so close together, he decided to break my water. Lemme tell ya, that was no picnic. They basically take a really long crochet hook and open the flood gates, pardon the detail. It was a crazy feeling. The doctor then said that labor would probably start to progress pretty quickly after that, so I could get an epidural at any time. I got up to go to the bathroom and very soon after felt like all those women you see in labor on TV and in movies where they have to grab onto something and breathe strangely. At this point I was in labor for real. I knew I could have waited a little longer to get my epidural, but I had a feeling I should just get it then since things were moving so quickly. At around 4AM they called for the anesthesiologist and he came in to do the epidural. I had to sit with my legs dangling off the side of the bed, with Austin holding onto them, while grabbing a pillow. The epidural itself wasn't too terrible, they gave a small shot to numb the area and then from there I just felt pressure moving gradually down my spine hitting nerves as it went. The worst part was that I was having terrible contractions at the same time, so there was a lot going on. It felt like it lasted forever even though it was only 10-15 minutes. Finally it was over and I laid back down to sleep a little longer. I was feeling pretty great at this point! I know some people are highly against medicated birth, but if you're not, I HIGHLY recommend it. 👍Now at this point, I was pretty out of it. I was half numb and had a strong sleeping aid in my system. So sometime between 5:30 and 6AM my nurse came in to check my progress. At this point I was 3 cm! That was so good to hear, I was so happy that everything was going as I'd hoped. Next thing I know, I hear the nurse say that she can't find the baby's head. I was like, "What do you mean you can't FIND HIS HEAD?" She had four other nurses all come in and check...at this point I didn't care because I was numb and, let's face it, labor really takes away most of your inhibitions for what you do and don't care about. All the nurses said the same thing: they couldn't feel his head at all. You know when you can tell someone has bad news but they're trying to go as long as possible without telling you to protect you? That's basically how it felt. They decided to bring in a portable ultrasound to check what was going on. Sure enough, little baby had flipped and was now breech. Sometime in that 60-90 minute stretch he decided he would really like to not have to come out. I remember I kept asking the nurse if they could just flip him back....ha! She very kindly told me that she was going to call my doctor to let him know, but that at this point I would likely have to have a c-section. I was crushed. I know I shouldn't have been, but I was so disappointed that I started crying. Everything in my pregnancy had gone so smoothly the whole time and I felt like I deserved to have a smooth delivery as well. Let's be real, it's not ideal to have to have your baby surgically removed while you lay unconscious in a cold operating room, and then not even get to meet your baby. I don't wish that on anyone. Sure enough, she came back saying they were going to prep me for a c-section. I signed some paperwork, they drew some blood samples, they put in a catheter, kicked up my epidural so I was completely numb from the waist down, and probably other things I don't remember. I just remember all of a sudden there were about six people surrounding me all doing something different. My doctor arrived and I politely asked him if they could just flip the baby back...I was in serious denial that I wasn't going to get the labor I had always imagined. He said at this point time was of the essence as there was no more amniotic fluid in there for the baby, and now he was in a bad position. That made me think of what I already should have been: the safety of baby was priority #1 and I needed to be okay with this for him. I was very shortly almost unconscious. I remember them giving Austin the surgical clothes/mask so he could be in there. I remember them wheeling me to a very bright room, moving me to an operating table, putting up a curtain, and I remember they had to pin my arms down because I was shaking so badly. I wish I could say that I remember the delivery, but I slept through the whole thing despite trying to stay awake. I felt guilty that I wasn't mentally present, but between the numbness and the sleeping pill, I was completely out of it.

From then on I remember hearing only a few things every once in a while. The first thing I remember is hearing the doctor saying, "Get him to the NICU NOW" followed by Austin asking, "Is he okay?" and I didn't hear the answer. I was then out again, and the next thing I heard was "9 pounds exactly!" followed by Austin asking again if he was okay. I vaguely remember them pulling the curtain down and wondering where my baby was and why I didn't get to see him. They moved me to another bed and wheeled me to a recovery room. A nurse came in bringing me juice and applesauce. I tried to eat/drink but threw everything up for the next hour. Austin came in to show me pictures of our baby. I was in denial that he was ours, I felt like I was dreaming. Austin then proceeded to tell me that he had the cord wrapped around his neck, and that since they pulled him out feet/butt first that it pulled. He said he was bright blue, couldn't breathe, and I later found out that his first Apgar score was a whopping 1. The nurse told me days later that, "The only thing he had going for him was a pulse" and that they had to "resuscitate" him immediately...not words you want to hear about your newborn. So there we were in the recovery room, I was slowly coming to and Austin was in there with me. Next thing I know, the on call doctor came in to talk to us. He began listing off all of the issues the baby had. Low blood sugar: he asked me if I was diabetic, almost didn't believe me when I told him no. Respiratory issues/fluid in the lungs and stomach: apparently in addition to being blue, he had pooped from fetal trauma and had swallowed some, plus had fluid in his lungs that normally gets pushed out during a vaginal delivery. Possible hole in his heart/enlarged heart: say what? Apparently when they were doing X-rays on his lungs they found an abnormality on/near his heart. The doctor said it as possibly just an enlarged gland, extra fluid, etc. He very nonchalantly began to tell us how, when he's a few weeks old, open heart surgery could fix it and then everything would be fine. Meanwhile, here I am, barely conscious, still throwing up, still shaking, still haven't even met my own baby, being told he might need open heart surgery. Sorry, but I did not sign up for this. Also meanwhile, there's poor Austin, who not only had to see his wife be unconscious and cut open but also, as I've heard him later tell it, have to see them "put my uterus BACK in with something that looked like a shovel", and see his breathless blue baby be rushed into resuscitation. Needless to say, we both had a bit of a meltdown when that doctor left. Austin went back to be with the baby in the NICU and I had to stay for a little while to get up enough strength to be transferred to a wheelchair. I think it was about 7 hours before the nurses were able to help me stand for long enough to transfer me to a wheelchair. I remember them wheeling me to the NICU, and every bump in the floor was agony. We finally got there and, there he was. My little baby. I put my hand on his and he loosely wrapped his fingers around mine. He looked HUGE and I just remember wondering how he had possibly fit in my belly. He was hooked up to oxygen, an IV, a feeding tube, was receiving antibiotics for a possible lung infection, and glucose for low blood sugar. I had just met him and my heart was already breaking for him. I got a major crash course in learning how much parents feel for their children.

Our sweet, swollen, previously blue baby boy.

The rest of that day was filled with a lot of exhaustion, pain medicine, and worry. At this point we had no idea how long Luke would have to stay in the NICU. I was able to go back to the NICU that evening and hold him for the first time. That was the moment I bonded with him, and I knew he'd always been mine. I knew him and loved him more than anything.

The NICU days.
The next day I was still in bed for the most part, being heavily medicated. I'm so glad Austin and my mom were there to go be with Luke so often since I couldn't. My nurses and Luke's nurses were so great. They helped us so much and reaffirmed my belief that nurses are basically just angels. So much can be said about this crazy week but I'll summarize. In the next few days it felt like we'd take two steps forward and one step back. His echo-cardiograph came back showing he had no heart issues (my biggest relief), then eventually his blood sugar leveled out. They found out the next day that he was jaundice and had to have the bilirubin light. We got the results back that there was no infection in his lungs, then he had issues not keeping down his food. He projectile vomited almost everything. Then he went off oxygen and his IV, and then a "suck" specialist said he might have issues eating for a while as he couldn't suck properly and was getting way too much air and not keeping food down. But overall, he was progressing.

Sweet cheeks after he got all his tubes removed.

I was able to do skin-to-skin contact and try to breastfeed for the first time. Those were frustrating days but he kept improving. Finally we were able to have him stay in our room with us overnight and take him home the next day (Thursday the 17th).

His first night with mom and dad.

Since then.
If you've made it this far into the post, congrats it's a ling one! We brought our little Luke home and started all kinds if new adventures and games. Our most common games are:

• Is he smiling or just pooping?
• Is that breast milk, sweat, or pee?
• Is that poop or chocolate?
• Is he breathing?
• Why won't he stop crying?
• How come he pees himself no matter what?
• Is he supposed to make that noise?
• Is he supposed to only eat for 5 minutes?
• Is he supposed to throw it up?
• Does he hate being swaddled or do I suck at swaddling?
• Does he really need to be held every time he poops? 
• Why won't he sleep without being held?

And the list goes on and on....

BUT, he's become a champ at nursing which was one of my biggest concerns from the start he had. It's taken lots of time and patience, but he's great. He's been super healthy and had no issues. Whenever we take him to our doctor he always just watches him and says he's one of the most entertaining babies he's had and mentions how awesome he looks. We've been so blessed beyond measure. And when he keeps me up all night every night sometimes I just have to pray for perspective and remind myself that this little babe will only be little for so long, and that makes all the exhaustion and frustration manageable. Austin has been my rock, we are so blessed to have him. And I'm blessed to have a mom I can text questions to all day every day. I've also been blessed to have an awesome recovery. The first few days I remember wondering how I would ever walk again, go to the bathroom again, or just feel normal at all. I've had awesome pain medicine and awesome support. Maybe I'll write another post eventually on the many joys of recovering from a c-section while being expected to take care of a newborn. haha But, life is good, no matter what, and we love our little baby cakes more than anything in the world, even if he has aged us years in three weeks. 😉

My new favorite picture ever:

Oh, Baby

Well, it's been a while. I don't think I've written a post on here for about a year! But what a year it's been. Here's a brief overview:

After spending the summer in Oklahoma, we moved back to Rexburg so Austin could go back to school. He spent that Fall/Winter going to school full-time and I spent it teaching at a studio in Idaho Falls and dancing on a dance company. After my company's concert and my studio's recital we had plans to move to Salt Lake City for the summer for an internship. However, things didn't work out quite the way we had planned (go figure). We moved into an apartment and had to deal with roaches, then we found another place to live that was in someone's basement apartment but most of our furniture (including our bed!) wouldn't fit through the doorway. You know those nights of your life that you look back on and just remember how everything felt so dark and hopeless? Think of having already rented 3 moving trucks in about 3 days, having to leave a family funeral to try and get out of a cockroach-infested apartment, moving all day for days in a row, and then standing outside your new apartment at 10 pm with all your furniture on the ground because it won't fit through the doorway...oh, and you're pregnant. haha Anyway, let's just say we were out quite a bit of money, quite a bit of sanity, and even more hope. And we were living apart during this experience because I hadn't finished teaching in Idaho Falls yet. It was sort of one of those experiences that you look back on and think, "Why on earth did that happen?" and we still don't know, but things worked out that a couple in Austin's home ward (in Idaho Falls) was/is serving a mission in St. George and we worked it out to stay in their home and pay them rent and look after their house while they're gone. Austin was also able to count working for his dad's insurance agency as his internship, and I have been able to work for a lady in the ward who needed extra help this summer. So, you may never know why some experiences are allowed to happen to you, especially when you're "living right" and doing what you're supposed to do, and when the Lord doesn't say, "Stop! Don't move there!" All we know is that things have worked out better than we could have really hoped. But things have been very good for us. We've both been able to work this summer, Austin got his insurance license, and we've had a lot of fun taking care of a house (and yard!).

Currently, Austin is working as an insurance agent for his dad, going to school and taking 14 credits, and being the best husband ever to me. I am teaching a few days a week (just assisting as I am large with child), and working a few days a week for a lady in our ward. We decided to stay in the house where we've been living so that we can save some money and time as we're both working in Idaho Falls and Austin only has class on campus in Rexburg 2 days a week. More than anything, though, we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little guy. Pregnancy has been an interesting adventure to say the least. It's funny how everything you hear about it is true, but how what's even more true is that it's still such an individual experience. I thought I'd share a few thoughts/experiences on it:

The First Trimester:
My first trimester wasn't as terrible as lots of women's, but it was awful. Imagine that you feel so nauseated all the time that to this day you can't use the lotion, eat the food, or drink the drinks you had while you felt that way. But also imagine that you don't throw up very often so people kinda look at you for weeks like, "What's wrong with you?" And then they find out you're pregnant and they sympathize, but then they find out that you haven't been barfing your lungs out and it kinda goes away. That's sort of what my first trimester was like. It was a fairly even mix of sympathy, advice, and the "What are you complaining about if you're not barfing?" attitude. But let me just say, for any of you pregnant women out there who feel so sick you can hardly eat for weeks but aren't throwing up, I feel you.

The Second Trimester:
"You'll have so much energy!".......nope.
"Your skin will glow!"...................haha.
"You'll start showing soon!"...........not really.
I think people telling you or reading about "what to expect" all the time can be both good and bad. I think everyone told me I would have lots of energy, and so I waited for it to show up the whole trimester, and it hardly ever did. I definitely felt better than I had in the first, but I was still exhausted all the time. It was easier for me to push through the exhaustion, though, and maybe that's what people meant. Also, there was no glow. I was promised glowing, and the only "glow" I ever had was sweat from being pregnant in the dead of summer. This trimester was also mostly just looking like I ate 12 cheeseburgers, but no baby bump to be seen. I don't think I popped until about 22 weeks. But it's true what people say about how you wake up and it's there all of a sudden.

The Third Trimester:
Disclosure: I'm not finished with this one yet. Obviously, or I'd have a baby. But I am 4 weeks into it. At this point, I'm big enough that everyone now notices without hesitation that I'm pregnant, but not quite so big yet that I feel like a whale. Well, I may feel like a whale sometimes, but I can still put on my own shoes and I'm calling that a win. At this point everyone (and I don't just mean friends and family, I mean like society as a whole) feels what seems to be a vested interest in my offspring. My mom had pointed out that it's probably human nature to be fascinated and interested in pregnant women because of some survival instinct embedded in the human soul. I'm not sure if that's what it is or not but people are very interested in you when you're pregnant. I had the opportunity to go to Education Week at BYU with my mom, Grandmommy, and Aunt. It was so awesome, and people were very nice to me, but I would be so surprised at what total strangers would say to me or ask me. People I had just met would ask me what we were naming the baby, if I was feeling sick, how long it took me to show, when he's due, etc. I appreciated people's friendliness, but at the same time people would say things to me like, "You're about to pop!" or "Wow, must be close! Are you due soon?" or "Oh, is it twins?" or "I have a daughter due before you and she's not even that big yet!" I don't know if people think they can or should say stuff like that to pregnant women because they see it in movies or TV shows, or if they think that social boundaries go out the window because my baby is offspring of the human species and they have a right to say things like that, but, wow. Just wow. Oh, and my all-time FAVORITE (can you sense the sarcasm?): "Oh, get all the sleep you can now because once baby comes you won't get any more!".................................................................................................
I think I get that one more than anything else. And it takes all of my very depleted pregnant-woman filter/self-control to not hit people with my purse when they say that to me. First of all, when mothers say that to me, do you not remember what it's like to be 8 months pregnant and try to sleep? And to guys who say that to me: strap a 10 lb bag of flour to your belly (flour that kicks you in the ribs, in the bladder, and who I swear is tickling you on purpose), lie down on your side (not your stomach which is where, if you're like me, is the only way you've slept your whole life), wake up every hour to manually change sleeping positions because your body won't do it naturally, wake up to pee every other hour, be so hot even with a fan blowing directly on you that you wake up sweating, throw in some heartburn and indigestion, throw in waking up in the middle of the night because you had a dream you were eating cookies (and then realizing that you had no cookies so you start to cry), and then say that to me. I get what they mean when they say that, I really do. I know that it will be so much worse and different and exhausting, and I know that I can't comprehend it until it's happening. But why, oh why, would you say that? Especially because, I don't know if you're new to life, but you can't save sleep in a jar and use it later. Doesn't work that way!

Okay, enough of my sass for now. I feel like I need to mention how incredibly blessed we are. I thank my Father in Heaven every single day for the blessing I have of being pregnant and bringing a sweet little spirit into the world. I recognize that so many people will never have the opportunity to do what I so often take for granted. Whenever I feel the urge to complain, I am quickly reminded of how much I have to be grateful for. And I really am. I'm grateful for all of it. I may have cried when I saw the stretch marks forming on my belly, but I also recognize how blessed I am that my baby is growing. It may have been really hard for me to feel so sick and exhausted in my first trimester, but I knew that it was because my body was nourishing another body, and that I am blessed that that sickness hasn't lasted. I may feel guilty that I can't work as much or do as many things around the house as I'm used to, but I'm grateful that I've had such a healthy pregnancy and that I really have been able to do a lot. I may feel badly that I'm such an emotional mess, or that I'm more short-tempered or rude than usual, but I am blessed to know that this isn't forever. Unlike so many people in this world who suffer so many things that are so much worse, mine has a tentative expiration date. And while I know that I will never go back to what I was before, I will feel strong again. When Austin and I were talking about starting our family, we had no idea what it would take or how long we would have to wait. Looking back, I still can't believe how blessed we've been that having this baby wasn't/isn't a struggle for us, and that everything has gone so smoothly. We are so excited, scared, nervous, anxious, and blessed. And Austin has been the most amazing help through it all even with all that he has going on in his life. Some of the most tender moments that I'll keep with me forever are the quiet nights we have together when our little guy is wiggling around, and Austin will rub my belly and talk to him, and he'll start moving even more because he recognizes his voice. It already makes my heart melt.

So, in conclusion, that's what's going on with us! There will be more updates within the near future as things happen. As of right night we're just waiting for our little guy, and Austin will graduate in December, and then who knows where life will take us! But it will be great. Even in the hard times it is great.

-The Fran Fam and Baby Guy
P.S. No, we don't have a name picked out and when we do, we probably won't tell. ;)